How To Raise a Confident Child | Backed by Research

Want to raise a kid who believes in themselves? Awesome! Confidence is super important because it helps kids try new things, learn from mistakes, and become the best versions of themselves.

But here's the thing: confidence isn't something kids are born with. It grows over time with the right experiences, a little boost from you, and a supportive home.

Forget showering them with endless You're amazing! comments or trying to clear every little problem out of their way. It's really about helping kids build that inner feeling that they can tackle whatever life throws at them.

So, what does the research (and some good old-fashioned parenting advice) say about raising confident, happy kids? Keep reading!

 

1. Let Kids Struggle (But Not Too Much)

It might sound weird, but if you want your kid to be self-assured, don't try to fix all their problems. Let them figure some stuff out on their own.

Dr. Carol Dweck, a big-shot psychologist from Stanford, says that kids who learn to handle tough stuff and bounce back from screw-ups end up being more resilient and confident.

Dweck said in 2006, If you praise kids for trying hard instead of just saying they're smart, they'll probably pick harder challenges and keep going, even when things get tough.

What you can do:

• Tell them they did a great job trying, not just if they won (You really worked hard on that puzzle!)

• Let them mess up and see if they can fix it on their own.

• Don't jump in right away to make everything okay for them.

2. Give Kids Real Work

Kids get sure of themselves when they feel like they can do stuff. That comes from trusting them with meaningful duties.

Dr. Laura Markham, a psychologist, says giving kids jobs that fit their age (like fixing their bed, feeding the dog, or helping make lunch) makes them feel more in control and valuable.

“Kids feel able when they see they can do things in the world.” — Markham, AhaParenting.com

What to do:

• Give them daily or weekly kid jobs.

• Let them help decide things (“Do we pack apples or bananas today?”)

• Praise them for doing their jobs, not just for big wins.

 

3. Let Kids Find Their Voice Through Stories

Kids often find out who they are through stories they hear and tell.

Stories let kids see themselves as brave, curious, kind, or smart, mainly when they feel close to the characters.

A study showed that kids who read stories with characters they could relate to felt more empathy and knew themselves better, which are super important for building confidence.

What to do:

• Let them make up their own stories by drawing, acting, or writing.

• Read books with characters who get over being scared, unsure, or messing up.

• Think about getting storybooks where your kid is the main character. It helps them believe they're capable and special.

 

4. Show Confidence Yourself

Kids pick up on what we do more than what we say.

Bandura’s Social Learning Theory says kids learn how to act, including how to be confident, by watching the grown-ups in their lives.

If we’re always putting ourselves down, they’ll learn to do the same. But if we show ourselves kindness, act bravely, and work through problems, they’ll start to think that way too.

What to do:

*   Talk about how you learn things: “I don’t know how to do this yet, but I’ll figure it out.”

*   Be patient with yourself and your kids, and don't aim for perfection.

*   Tell them stories about when you had to learn things the hard way as a kid.

 

5. Help Them Speak Up, Not Just Repeat “I’m Great! I’m Great!”

Being able to speak your mind, set limits, and say what you need? That's real confidence, not just being loud or showing off.

The Child Mind Institute's research shows that teaching kids to be assertive is super important for building real self-esteem. Things like being able to say no, share what you think nicely, or ask for a hand when you're stuck.

Here’s what you can do:

*   Get them using I statements: like I don't feel good about that or Can someone help me out?

*   Act out some tough situations together, so they can practice.

*   Let them know that what they say matters, even if they're not shouting.

 

Alright, so here's the deal:

Building a confident kid isn't a one-day thing. It's not about endless praise or shielding them from every little problem. It's about planting seeds of I can do it! over and over.

Each time they give something a shot, voice their thoughts, own up to their actions, get back up after a tumble, or connect with a character in a book, they're adding another brick to their confidence wall.

We can't just hand our kids confidence. What we *can* do is give them the tools and the room they need to build it themselves.

 

 

📚 Sources / Research Cited:

• Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

• Markham, L. (AhaParenting.com)

• Mar, R. & Oatley, K. (2008). Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology

• Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory

• Bandura, A. (1997). Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control

• Child Mind Institute (2023). Building Assertiveness in Children